It's Family Time

 

Family – Love ’em or hate ’em, they’re yours.

Cooler weather is upon us. Thank God! Changing leaf colors and the coolness in the air are the harbinger of the coming holiday season. You know—Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year. This time of year makes us pause and be grateful that we have so much to give and lots of love to surround us. This thought also reminds me of family get-togethers and families in general.

Who are we without them?

Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could choose our own family? Sadly, that’s like choosing our neighbors. We have no choice. Call it the luck of the draw or the curse of the universe; they are ours, and we belong to them. We can’t change that fact, no matter how hard we might try.

I have often wondered about the reasons I was born into the family I have, especially when my little brother would scare me with whatever spider he found to dangle in front of my face. Or the time my sister wore my favorite blouse without permission and accidentally spilled Kool-Aid down the front of it.

Dang!

As dysfunctional, fractured, split, close, or frustrating they can be, large or small—they are ours. Family gives us a sense of identity. They ground us as to who we are and where we come from. Salt of the earth or not, they offer a glimpse into why we came into being and our place in it and the world.

I know not all families are what we would consider ideal. There are incidences of horror that are sad to recount. However, unlike “Malcolm in the Middle” or the “Cosby Show,” these extreme cases are not the ones I’m referencing. Neither am I referring to the many other TV sitcoms about family life—take your pick.

I’m speaking about ordinary, run-of-the-mill families that most of us are familiar with. As we grow older, do we stay in touch? What do we do when one member is more successful than another? What happens when we are “ghosted” for no apparent reason by one member or—horror of horrors, the whole clan? Family reunions can be a hoot or a disaster. Holiday gatherings are legendary for dredging up old grudges meant to be served or passed around like dessert pudding or mashed potatoes—or thrown, as the case may be.

Ah, the joy!

Then, other families seem to have it all. Never an unkind word or disagreement, although I am sure they do have their challenges. I know a few of these and marvel at the closeness, camaraderie, and support. Extended families formed from broken homes are not uncommon, and the bonds they have with one another are enviable. Adoptive parenting included.

Discovering family ties through genealogy research is transformative. Some DNA tests can garner a new appreciation for who we are and our ancestry. But isn’t it nice to know that our immediate family is there for us through thick and thin, whatever that family form has taken?  

For the many times I’ve wished to belong elsewhere, I am happy to have the family I do. They are diverse, intellectual, kind, and scathingly scandalous. They are notoriously protective, suspicious, and loving. They can be argumentative and selective with their associations if only to weed out undesirables (hence the protective nature). They can be judgmental but not too harsh in their assessments. They are funny, with humorous antics that can be talked about for years. They are caring and accepting—despising those who are not. They are proud of their heritage and share as much as they can with others. They are curious and jealous but primarily supportive and will feed you until you burst. They are close and, if distant, not too far away. They can be intrusive but have a reason for it being so. They worry about each other ad nauseam, especially about Grandma and Grandpa.

Sound like your family? Yeah.

They are the beautiful people I could never despise. Again, I say they are mine, and I am theirs.

~DaMarie

 

 

Photo Courtesy of Wokandapix