Losing Friends

 

The Art of Losing a Friend

In this post, I would like to examine: What happens to cause the death of a friendship? What has occurred to cause such a riff in a long relationship between two people who had so much in common at one time? What can we do to recognize and heal the wounds before it is too late and all is lost? What could have possibly gone wrong to cause a catastrophic break in trust, camaraderie, and shared interest? Aside from marriages, children, and ordinary life issues, how do we lose that close friend we thought we’d have in our lives forever? 

More importantly, how do we lose a close friend who has been there for us, through thick and thin, helped us grow and thrive in the worst possible circumstances? Loyalty is gone. In its place grows resentment, dislike, and, dare I say, mistrust and suspicion. Sad, to be sure, but more heartbreaking because it happens more times than not.

Time changes everything.

That simple cliché carries a lot of truth. Maybe time creates the riff that tears at the fabric of like minds. Perhaps this element, which marks our footprint on this earthly plane, is what separates us from the one we once held so dear. Our companion, our ‘ride or die’ ace, our trusted person of all our secrets and dreams, our dearest soulmate, who is similar to our own—is now gone.

Our = English (possessive pronoun) refers to a company of more than one person, two, or a group. Refers to something belonging to or associated with himself or herself.

Some of the best marriages are made of shared interests and deep friendship. Friendships, like marriage, take work to maintain a healthy state. It should not be taken for granted. Our need for friendships starts at an early age. We discover that without friends, we would be lonely, and no one, not man in the universal sense, can live alone. As social animals, we crave companionship. Once we find a kindred spirit in physical form, we nurture and protect the relationship as a rare commodity that should never be subjugated as a passing anomaly. After a while, we bring in others to create a circle of friends, which can grow exponentially into something wonderful that fulfills our lives. I believe it also helps validate who we are and solidifies our purpose in life. Over time, we might drift apart to other parts of the continent, but never so far apart that we are out of touch or reach.

Social platforms have helped us reconnect, which has become both a blessing and a curse. Some acquaintances we would like to forget, but somehow, they find their way back into our lives for better or worse. But that’s not the point of this post. (LOL!)

The loss of a friend is a great sadness.

Differences, arguments, and harsh truths will be administered between parties, but these often stand the test of time. Even though time has its way of pulling us apart. It also has a way of uncovering the sad truth that maybe they were not our friends after all—or ever! Betrayal, jealousy, envy, peer/social pressure, lying, denial (gaslighting), misunderstandings—any manner of issues, etc.- play a part in petty arguments leading to mistrust. The pain of betrayal is akin to being clawed raw from the inside. 

OUCH!

The death of friendship is a sad, sad experience. The grief it imparts is not for the faint of heart. It also is not a private affair. The pain is impactful and uncomfortable for everyone. For those who witness the impending doom, it is particularly difficult to see/hear only one side of the various issues that cause the demise (about like listening to a one-sided telephone conversation) and come away with a clear understanding. For the record, it might be good to remember that no matter how thinly you slice the bread, there are always two sides. To be fair, it certainly does help the event go down easier and gives a much broader perspective if both sides are heard. It might even help heal the riff if intervention is needed—but I digress.

Is this growth? Maybe. Maybe not. Is the break intentional? Maybe. Maybe not.

The art of losing a friend is not calculated on the part of the “lose-ee.” Typical Machiavellian machination belongs to the party inflicting the pain. It speaks more about the inflictor than the “inflict-ee.” Which is which can undoubtedly be argued as the perpetrator. However, suffice it to say, it is painful nonetheless for it being done. Our friends are a reflection of who we are as people. Who are we to toss away someone who can add, or has added, so much to our lives? I leave that answer for you to discern.

Friendships should be treasured.

I suggest trying to heal riffs if you can. Reach out to those you haven’t seen in a while and, after doing so, touch base often. If you find others with a shared interest, invite them in. As we grow older, our friends become ones to treasure, not tossed away by our own petty grievances. Our friends become fewer and fewer as the years march on, and dismissing them out of hand is the saddest act of all.

I, for one, say to treasure your friends and keep them close, especially if they add something to your life. If not, rekindle that support and find new interests you can both share. And, for those you’ve known for a long length of time, polish them like the golden treasures they are and help them continue to shine. As mentioned, they are a true reflection of you and ones who will remain long after others have gone.

To toss them aside counts as a colossal waste of time and one we can’t really afford to lose.

  

~DaMarie

Photo Courtesy of Oscar Keys