Whatever happened to: "So what?"

 

So what? Two simple words we use that are tantamount to throwing a wet blanket on petty trivialities or the trifles. We use this question as a response to de-escalate a situation or misguided utterances. Other responses that fall into this category are words such as: ‘So,’ ‘And so,’ ‘Whatever,’ ‘Who cares’ or ‘Why should I care?’ These words can be considered the snarky, wisecracking cousins of, ‘So what?’  

But, in all honesty, ‘So what?’ is a bit snarky as well, but useful when necessary. It’s a cross-check on perspective, if you will. But instead of saying, ‘So What?’ we find ourselves thinking of responses to placate the concerns of others that may seem trivial to us but major for them.

What follows is my humble opinion on the disuse of this set of words, especially when the trivial is precisely that; trivial.

I’m sure most of us have said these words in our heads many times. We minimize the confrontation, which is sure to come after uttering these words if spoken out loud. In this world of political correctness, censorship and sensitivity, I don’t hear these words used very often, and I think we’re worse off for it.

We’ve substituted these slam dunk word responses to trifles by giving ‘reasonable responses’ to ease hysteria over imagined threats or temporary paranoid slights. Saying, “So What?” is akin to the very expression heard from our parents, “Because I said so.” We need our feelings validated more than just those words will convey. We need to find an answer for everything these days, even when unnecessary.

Now, please don’t misunderstand me. This is about letting go of the trivial. 

There are very good instances for giving a reasonable response to questions of ‘why’ and showing a level of concern instead of sloughing them off as trivial. To be sensitive to another person’s feelings is a way of being human and offering empathy to those less fortunate than ourselves. We commiserate and bond in a special way when misery is too much for others to bear alone. It’s a part of character building.

To be more specific, on this point of word use, I’m referring to the obsessive need to explain every offense to our sensibilities, however slight. Obsessively concerning ourselves with the tiniest or incy-wincy slight or snub can’t be healthy. We even end up tripping over ourselves to explain, excuse, or find meaning behind a whiny perceived offense to avoid offense. Take these instances, for example:

“Mom, Johnny’s still looking at himself in the bathroom mirror,” says Junior. 

“John, get out of that bathroom, or you’ll be late for school,” says Mom.

ALTERNATIVE response

“Mom, Johnny’s still looking at himself in the bathroom mirror,” says Junior.

“So what? Junior, you’re making yourself late for school worrying about Johnny. Johnny knows what time it is,” says Mom.

OR

“My boss didn’t say good morning to me today. I wonder if he’s upset at me or something. What do you think?”

“I don’t know why he didn’t speak to you. Maybe he’ll let you know later. Good luck.”

ALTERNATIVE response

“My boss didn’t say good morning to me today. I wonder if he’s upset at me or something. What do you think?”

“So what? He’s doesn’t say good morning to me either. Don’t take it personally. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

ONE MORE

“Did you know this senate candidate has been divorced twice? How can you trust a person like that?”

“I know. It’s just goes to show the level of degradation our society has sunk.”

ALTERNATIVE response

“Did you know this senate candidate has been divorced twice? How can you trust a person like that?”

“So what? Divorces happen, unfortunately, for many reasons we aren’t privy to know. I’m more concerned about how our life will improve if this candidate is elected.”  

I’m sure most of us can think of other instances where the words ‘So what?’ can be used to effect. It seems others expect us to care about what they obsess over.

To allow ourselves to be sucked into this level of concern is madness. It escalates the trivial giving birth to the Karens of the world and gives rise to getting people ‘thought up.’ To un-concern ourselves is freeing. To say, “So what?” de-escalates the trifle making it mundane. To make matters worse, sometimes we even find ourselves escalating the trivial without thinking to say,  “So what?” It’s a mistake to let the minor issues overtake us without putting these words into play. I repeat, if nothing else, ‘so what’ helps put a better perspective on the trivial. 

Of course, we care about our societal woes, but let’s not take it too far. I, for one, am extremely concerned about the state of our nation, and there are many instances for which I simply cannot say, “So what?” On the other side of the spectrum, that is a bridge too far.

Still, it seems to me we’ve fallen into this pattern of commiserating to the point of overconcern, which in turn only feeds the monster of paranoia. Instead of ‘cutting to the chase’ of the real issue (insecurities, pettiness, and neurosis), we find ourselves commiserating when we don’t need to.

This begs the question: Should we say, ‘so what’ more often?

So what, I showed up late for church service. Is that a reason for gossip and concern as to why?

So what, I didn’t order the usual at McDonald’s. Does this mean something is wrong at home?

So what, I didn’t wear the new shoes that cost a fortune. Does this mean I’m broke and/or had to return them?

Who cares about these things? I didn’t submit a blog post on social existentialism in education … and so? What?

I think I’ve made my point.

Thinking or saying, “So what?” takes the wind from the sails of what obsesses us today. Who cares if our next-door neighbor just brought a new car when he already has two? Who’s business is it that our friend runs two miles each day without eating breakfast first. So what if I missed an opportunity to wish a friend well. When I can, I’ll explain the reason, and they’ll understand because we’re friends like that. So what if someone tweets or opines on something I don’t like. Let’s not make a ‘federal case’ (that’s another one along with ‘mountains out of mole hills’) out of it.

I’d like to see us concern ourselves with issues that really matter. Anyway, to concern ourselves with another person’s business is not our concern. Who cares what other people think? And for those of us who want that commiseration, remember the famous saying quoted variously by Dr. Phil, Maya Angelo, and Deepak Chopra, “What other people think of you is none of your business” or “What other people think is none of your business.” Sorry to say, but if you make it your business, you’ll be offended for life. I think this speaks for trifles as well. Life, after all, is simple. It’s us that complicate it.

So go live life and care a little less about the trivial. Otherwise, you might get your feelings hurt when someone says to you, “So what?”

~ DaMarie

Photo Courtesy of Tim Mossholder