The Other Dreaded N-Word = Narcissism

 

The dreaded N-word. Not that one … the other one = narcissism

 

In the last few years, we’ve heard the word “narcissistic” applied to so many people. But do we really know what it means? Has the word been overused? Are we all infected with this mental condition? What do we look for and, more importantly, how do we recognize the condition in others or even … drum roll please, ourselves.

How is it pronounced, exactly? Narcissistic, narcisstic (with the extra “sis” eliminated, sort of), what? In researching the phenomenon of this mental affectation, much can be found on the internet, and even psychiatrists and non-psychiatrists alike appear on YouTube, Instagram, and Twitter to discuss this personality disorder.

But before going on with this topic, I need to disclaim that I am not a psychiatrist. I don’t have a PDR (Physicians Desk Reference) or a DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) at my disposal for reference. I cannot claim expertise in discussing the symptoms or remedies of such. But, I have read a lot about the condition, so here goes.

Clinically, narcissism is described as:

Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. [for more, click here]

Un, huh—

 

With that said, I’d like to bring some attention to this growing phenomenon of name-calling with words that do or do not appropriately apply to certain people, as we commonly see them, using common sense. But to do that, let’s look at the symptoms as described by the Mayo Clinic’s online site:  

 

Symptoms

Signs and symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder and the severity of symptoms vary. People with the disorder can:

·         Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance

·         Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration

·         Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it

·         Exaggerate achievements and talents

·         Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate

·         Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people

·         Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior

·         Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations

·         Take advantage of others to get what they want

·         Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others

·         Be envious of others and believe others envy them

·         Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious

·         Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office

At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism, and they can:

·         Become impatient or angry when they don’t receive special treatment

·         Have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted

·         React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior

·         Have difficulty regulating emotions and behavior

·         Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change

·         Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection

·         Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation

A lot has been written, but what stands out to me are articles about common characteristics, how to spot them, and types. As demonstrated by the number of websites referenced in this blog, there is a lot to this condition, which cannot be easily identified without close scrutiny.

 

Many people in the public eye exhibit narcissistic tendencies, and that list is vast. It is said that newborn babies are narcissistic by design. It is all about their needs and wants in the infancy of life. However, this is not classified as a personality disorder. It’s a form of survival because they know nothing else.

But when adults, who should know better and can discern right from wrong, exhibit this behavior, that’s a problem. A problem that should be examined upon closer scrutiny, as listed above, by a clinical psychiatrist.

 

However, a healthy dose of narcissism can go a long way.

 

Jacketed with the label of being narcissistic can, in some aspects, be harmful. In some circumstances, this ability to be “selfish” can protect us from harm and enrich our lives. Who doesn’t want to be discerning when it comes to surrounding ourselves with like-minded people or obtaining and maintaining healthy friendships with those who have our best interests at heart. You have to be a little narcissistic to believe in yourself and run for public office, do a presentation in front of a group of people in the workplace, or give a TedTalk. Anyone who’s stood in front of a camera and spoken to others knows how intimidating it can be. To “put yourself out there” or stand on stage and perform is a terrifying prospect, but a healthy dose of believing in yourself (narcissism) gets us through. Even a parent who fights to get the best for their children, regardless of circumstances, is not behaving narcissistically. Taking an excessive amount of “selfies” can be viewed as narcissistic, but is it, though? So many other instances like these can mislabel people as narcissistic when they are not.

 

It’s the disorder of narcissism that’s bad.

 

The “lack of empathy” and “lack of boundaries” is concerning. Also, the manipulation and insidious behaviors of a person with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder to get what they want by whatever means necessary due to their insecurities can be detrimental in all areas of life and certainly Machiavellian at worst. To read more about that, click here.

 

I suppose this is how “grifters” are born.

 

Looking back, we can all point to instances where someone has complained about a horrible boss, corrupt politician, unscrupulous attorney, or the outrageous antics of a well-known celebrity. Are these narcissistic in nature? Who knows. Articles have been written about children growing up with narcissistic parents and their effect on them in adult life. The effects are long-reaching and sad. We are surrounded by the mentally unstable and stable. Some personality-disordered persons manage to get by fairly well in life without incident or harm to others through medication and counseling.  

 

Have we become a society of narcissistic people?

 

Again, who knows. I don’t like to think so. However, there do seem to be quite a few public figures that give cause for concern and scrutiny, the current wife of a famous prince notwithstanding. The selfish nature of these individuals can wreak havoc on the unsuspecting, resulting in abuse, domestic and otherwise. Criminal behaviors arise from them lying to cover up their lack of scruples and hidden secrets. The harm inflicted on others can be vast and uncompromising, so it is worth watching out for and identifying when recognized for personal safety.  

 

But this word, narcissistic/narcissism, and its definition are broad, and identifying the symptoms is complicated. Many of the affected will not, or cannot, see it in themselves, so there’s no need to point this out to them. Think about it as counter-intuitive. They think so much of themselves that no way are they mental. It’s a mental illness that cannot be easily cured. From reading articles of very learned professionals, you either have or not. But once an individual recognizes this in themselves, they can begin to work on managing their behavior if they desire.

 

But that’s a big “IF.”

 

~DaMarie 

Photo Courtesy of Gary Ellis